“Sir, I didn’t get campus placement so did Masters. Then I got into academics. Now, I see my college friends as associate partners in big law firms, making big money, going on foreign retreats, driving fancy cars and so on. Here I am, still studying for my doctorate, making do with whatever I am getting, the college is so full of politics, one-upmanship, ego trips and so on. Parents are insisting I should get married and settle in life. I do not think I am settled professionally yet. I feel really lost at this stage. Have I missed the Bus?”
I have heard this from many young academics who approach me for guidance, recommendations or mentoring.
The feeling of having “missed the bus” is often rooted in comparison, self-doubt, and a sense of urgency to achieve success or milestones. This phenomenon can occur for various reasons, both personally and professionally:
Some Reasons People Feel They’ve “Missed the Bus”
Social Comparison
Humans naturally compare themselves to others. When peers achieve milestones faster, it can induce feelings of inadequacy and envy.
Societal Expectations
Cultural norms often set expectations for achievements by certain ages (e.g., marriage, career advancement), leading to feelings of falling behind.
Fear of Failure
The fear of not meeting personal goals or expectations can make individuals feel stuck or behind.
Imposter Syndrome
Many successful individuals feel like frauds and fear being exposed. When others achieve visible success, it can exacerbate these feelings.
Lack of Recognised Progress
Personal growth is often less visible than professional accomplishments. People might overlook their own progress while focusing on others.
How to Overcome These Feelings
Shift Focus to Personal Goals
Instead of comparing yourself to others, focus on your own path and achievements. Set personalised goals that are meaningful to you.
Practice Gratitude
Regularly acknowledge and appreciate what you have achieved, regardless of how it measures against others. Keeping a gratitude journal can help.
Limit Social Media Exposure
Social media can intensify feelings of inadequacy. Reducing usage or curating feeds to include more positive and relatable content can help.
Seek Support and Guidance
Discussing feelings with friends, mentors, or counselors can provide perspective and reassurance. They can remind you of your unique journey.
Embrace Lifelong Learning
Focus on continuous self-improvement and learning rather than fixating on where you think you should be.
Celebrate Others
Instead of feeling envious, celebrate the achievements of your peers. This mindset shift can foster positive relationships and community.
Some Real-Life Examples
J.K. Rowling: Before writing the Harry Potter series, Rowling faced numerous rejections and struggled financially. Her story reminds us that success can come later than we expect. She said, “It is impossible to live without failing at something unless you live so cautiously that you might as well not have lived at all.”
Colonel Sanders: KFC’s founder was rejected over a thousand times before someone finally agreed to franchise his fried chicken recipe. His journey shows that perseverance pays off. He famously said, “I’m too old to die young.”
Oprah Winfrey: Winfrey faced numerous challenges, including a difficult childhood and early career setbacks. She eventually became one of the most influential media moguls, stating, “The biggest adventure you can take is to live the life of your dreams.”
Steve Jobs
Jobs was famously ousted from Apple, the company he co-founded. He later returned and led Apple to unprecedented success. He advised, “You can’t connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards.”
Conclusion
Feeling like you’ve missed the bus is a common emotional experience, especially in a fast-paced world. However, by focusing on your unique journey, setting personal goals, and seeking support, you can overcome these feelings. Remember, success is not a race; it’s a personal journey characterized by growth, learning, and resilience.
By the way, what did I tell the young academic? I told her: You haven’t missed any Bus. Your Bus is different than your friends’. Each one of us has their own life, choices, circumstances, interests, actions, priorities, family, finances, risk apetite, luck, and so on. Everyone’s journey and experiences are different. Live you life.
Be in your own Bus and enjoy the ride of life.
Cheers.
